Dear Hettie,
It's been a long time...I shouldn'a left you, left you, without a dope beat to step to, step to step to ste step to step to wicki wicki wicki...no? Aaliyah? Try Again? No? Just me? oh alright.
Anyway, not much has really happened this week, it rained for a few days, yesterday it was chucking it down!! I thought I was going to have to start getting jealous of people in England, but I'm back sunbathing on my balcony again as I write this. It's 10 o'clock in the morning and already 22 degrees, I think we're doing ok.
I've still been working in the middle of nowhere. It's been amazing because I would have had to come home by now if I hadn't been working. I am slightly worried that I haven't found anywhere else yet though. My visa seems to be a real issue...I might be back sooner than expected due to lack of funds.
What have I done this weekend...hmm...well two of my pals were in Orange (about four hours away) so she could revise for her exam, and the rest of my pals went to the horse races, which you know I totally don't dig. So Luke came over yesterday for some daytime drinking, and I interviewed him for book number two. Wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be, thankfully. How unfair is this; he has got a job as travel agent and they are paying for him to travel all up the east coast and go to surf schools and the like, before finishing up in Cairns where they now need him to work!! It's hot all year round up there. NOT FAIR!!! At least it means I can have a cheap holiday somewhere though if i ever get a job.
Then I went out for dinner with my brother's fiance and a few of her friends. It was really fun. Had a few glasses of wine (?? still weird) afterwards in a place called Coco Cubana? it was weird. The clientele coming in and out were very bizarre. There were two teens basically having dry sex on the seat next to us, two druggies trying to dry their shirt in the toilet (which I think was covered in piss) and this chinese guy running back and forth to the loo to vom. Speaking of vom, we then got on a bus home and this guy chundered about 4 times before eventually getting off. It was vile.
This morning, I was woken up by the girl upstairs having porn star sex. Honestly Het, I've never heard anything like it. Now I can hear her making her beau some breakfast. Lolz, the whole building heard you boinking.
Might do the coastal walk again today with Luke. If not, I'm going to sunbathe on the balc, and try and finish Mem. Hopefully will be Facetiming you at some point too, so upset it didn't work.
Here are a couple more England/Australia differences:
If you go into a fish and chip shop in NSW and ask for scallops, you will get given a potato cake...
Sure deodorant is called Rexona:

Bananas here look like chodes:

The sun is shining, the weather is sweeeet yeah:

Anyhoo, hope everything is going well in London.
Miss you, love you,
S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,
Last week, it was Alix's birthday, so on Friday I went out after work to meet him and his pals. The bar was pretty amazing. I walked through the main bar (which was pretty standard) and was shown downstairs to this outdoor, mexican-themed crazy town. The music they played was great; fleetwood mac, earth wind and fire etc. All my brothers friends are 30-40 ish, so conversations were a little strained at times. A lot of the time, it was very "my kid did this," "no way! my kid did this." SNORE! But then there were some funny conversations, and when they weren't talking about their kids, it was actually very fun. They are all very nice people. Alix did an insane amount of tequila shots, it made me feel a little sick. Anyway, this is what it looked like:

One of his friends is ginger, so we had a bit of a ginger off. I left pretty early though cos I wasn't feeling great. I think it was because when someone asked me what I wanted to drink, I asked for a glass of white wine. I don't know who I am anymore. WHO AM I?!?

Saturday, we went for a 6k walk along the beach. I was meant to go to a onesie party, but I still felt a little ill, so just sat at home and read my book. Plus, I didn't want to be too hungover for meeting my cousin and his kids on saturday. Seeing as walking seems to be the only exercise I have these days, I guess this is technically my gym, not bad ay?

My cousin then suggested we rearrange, which was annoying. Alix and I decided to go to the beach instead. I spent four hours in the sun (the longest stretch I've done with no shade) and I didn't get burnt!! Are you impressed?? My face has had another freckle explosion, my chin in particular is extra freckly, but there is no burn in sight!! Went for a bit of a snorkel too, but there were fuck loads of jellyfish.

Went food shopping and came home to have a bbq. Was a banging sunday session. One week left of work. Eek!

How's London? I hear the sun has finally come out!?

Miss you, love you.
S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,

The Australian equivalent of sofa-sunday is go-to-the-beach-day. After my two nights out in a row, my brother and I did a 4k walk along the beach in the sunshine. At first it looked really grey, and then in true aussie style, the sun came out as soon as we reached the beach. I told my brother about the creep from before and he went maaaaad. He said he is going to kill him if he ever sees him in public. Lolz.

Anyway, we walked up and down the beach, and then went for the fittest lunch ever. England does bottled water better (the taste, not the names), but Australia does veggie burgers better!

It was lentil and avocado with chilli jam. FIT! And we shared chips. Oh! And I had the buffest milkshake. I went for oreo and it was amazing. I took two photos of it for you; one of the milkshake, and one of the view I had whilst drinking the milkshake and eating my lunch:

Yesterday was my brothers 34th birthday! Ouch. I wrote him a poem about ageing; you would love it. I also bought him The Lion King on dvd, and a Masterchef Australia cooking apron. He seemed to quite like them. After work, we went to a rib house on the beach. Unfortunately, they didn't have tofu ribs, so I had another veggie burger. It was pretty fucking good though. Which helped me reach the conclusion that Australians do vegetarian burgers better.

We also went for a drink in the bavarian beer house on the beach. I ordered a cherry beer, and was gloating about how impressed you'd be that I was drinking beer. But when it came, it just tasted like beer. And, although my drinking palet is broadening, I still hate beer, so I left it. The bar was cool though:

After we left the rib house, Alix had a couple of ribs in a doggy bag. We saw a tramp asleep on the pavement and it was raining. We walked a little way and then Alix said "I should give my ribs to the tramp shouldn't I?" and he ran back to give them to him. Upon receiving the ribs, the tramp muttered something and threw them away! An australian observer walked past and said "Ah mayte, I wouldn't botha giving food to traimps." Alix was a little drunk by this point and seemed genuinely hurt by the tramps disregard for his amazing ribs. It was pretty funny to watch. 

This post has largely been about food, and for that I'm sorry... On Friday I get to go out to a bar in central and meet all my brother's friends, and sunday I get to see my cousin and his two kids. This is the cousin who is 6'8" so I'm sure hilarious photos next to my short self will soon follow. 

Can we facetime this weekend please?

Miss you, love you.

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,
It's been a while since I've posted. Let me try and think what I've done...

Ok, so I got an extra two weeks work. That's good right? Need to get bang on the job hunt next week. I'm going to go to a recruitment consultant.

On Friday, I got so drunk. We drank five bottles of wine between three of us. Are you ready to be impressed, het? WE GOT ASKED TO LEAVE A BAR!! I've never been asked to leave anywhere before in my life! Apparently we were too drunk. I know I shouldn't be proud of that, but I so am.

Yesterday I went to this bar called the golden sheaf. It was really cool. Most of it was outside...even the dance floor! I was talking to this guy, who we established had a girlfriend, so you know, it was just friendly drunk banter. Then he put his hand on my arse. I obvs pulled away and called him a creep, but then he proceeded to talk to me and tell me I wanted to leave with him. No, you pig, I don't. Why do I only attract people with girlfriends?! He was also wearing black shiny pointy shoes. Blurgh. So when we all left, I literally ran in the opposite direction to everyone else and went to get a cab on my own (they were going the other way) but just as I stopped running and thought I was safe, he tapped me on the shoulder and said "so are we going to yours or mine."

I finally got a cab, and I got in the front and creepazoid got in the back. I told the cab driver that he had to take me home first and then the guy in the back. This is the conversation that happened:

Creep: but I don't understand why we're going to two different places?

Me: because I live in bondi, and you live in maroubra?

Creep: but let's just go to bondi, it makes more sense.

Me: no it doesn't. You're a creep. With a girlfriend. Who is definitely not coming to mine.

Creep: yeh, but my girlfriend isn't talking to me at the moment so it's fine.

Me: you make me feel sick. Do I look like a whore?! You are disgusting.

*cab driver laughed*

Creep: well maybe ill just get out at yours

Me: ok, you do that. I'd quite like to watch as my big brother beats the crap out of you.

Creep: is he a boxer or something?

Me: no, he's just extremely protective of his sister against creeps?

*cab driver nodded*

As I got out the cab, I paid the driver an extra couple of dollars to drive off as soon as my door was shut. Which he did. Phew!

Anyway, here are some photos from the weekend. Are you impressed I went out twice?? And I don't even feel hungover this morning! Amazing. I'm going to do the coastal walk.

Miss you, love you.

S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,
Firstly, ouch. I am so effing sunburnt ONCE AGAIN! The four day weekend killed me.
After hanging out my arse all day (and night) on Friday, my brother took me to a quiet beach called Camp Cove. The water was amazing. It wasn't too choppy and was great to swim in! There were no shark nets though, so I kept a look out for fins. I fell asleep when I got out the water and this happened:

The pain is unreal. Yesterday, I had to wear a t-shirt in the sea so the sun didn't get me. How Ginger is that?!? I was mortified. Anyway, I'm jumping ahead. Camp Cove looked like this:

So, after a day of getting sunburnt, we went back to the flat and had a BBQ.

On Sunday, I went with my new pals to do the Coastal Walk. We walked from Bondi, through Tamarama, through Bronte Beach, past Clovelly and on to Coogee! I got quite excited at the start of the day because I looked outside and it was cloudy! I was so looking forward to a nice cold walk. I put on leggings and a 3/4 sleeve long floaty top and was pumped. I stood on the balcony to check the temperature and felt a tad warm. I put a t-shirt on instead, knowing I was going to be walking for the next 3 hours and it would be better than being hot. As soon as I stepped out the house, the sun came blaring out full blast. The weather man had said it was going to rain! He clearly lied. On the plus side, we didn't have to walk in the rain, but it was fucking boiling.

After the walk, we went back to my new pal's house and drank Kopperbergs and played Rummy. I'm not very good at Rummy. Her boyf won everytime! It was not good. I need to buy a packet of cards and go back there and challenge them again and win. That's the plan.

Yesterday, my brother and I went to this place called Ku-ring-gai National Park. It was absolutely amazing. It looked exactly like the wilderness in Jurassic Park (pretty sure you havent seen that either...google it.) We were driving through what looked like a forest when I saw two road signs that got me all excited. The first was for Koala Bears and the second was for Kangaroos crossing. I thought to myself, this is it! I'm finally going to see a kangaroo. I did, in fact, see two kangaroos; both dead at the side of the road having been hit by cars. Traumatising. Alix found it hilarious that the first two kangaroos I'd seen were dead, I did not.
Anyway, we parked the car and Alix said we were going to a beachy part. We walked down roughly...a million stairs? It was fine on the way down, but all I could think was "we're going to have to walk up these at some point..."
When we got to the beach, it was totally worth the spider-filled trek. This is what it looked like:

One of the rocks looked like the rock from the Little Mermaid, and Charlotte used to be obsessed with re-enacting the scene where the waves fly up around her. We tried to do it, but after waiting for ages for a bloody wave to come, my facial expression came to this:

After having a jolly good swim, and a picnic, it was time to make our way back up to the car. Now, by this point, I was sandy and wet and tired. I got halfway up the first flight of stairs and then realised I wasn't going to make it. My legs wouldn't move to the next step. Alix was way ahead of me, and I burst out laughing. I couldn't walk!! I laughed for about 5 minutes before Alix yelled at me to hurry up, so in order to break up the trek, I said I was going to take photos along the way to show you. 

Ok, the photos don't make it look that bad. But it was. And I was carrying all  my wet clothes, and the heat and lack of water got to me. It was pretty fun though. And I saw a giant lizard before I got in the car!

On the drive home, after I got feeling back in my legs, we decided to stop off in the city at the botanical gardens. It was pretty!

When I got home, I was well and truly ready for bed. What an exciting four day weekend I had! Now I have four more days of employment. Terrifying!!! I need a job so badly! I don't want to come home yet...

I hope your weekend was just as fun!
Love and miss you,
S
Xxx

Continued:

Sorry, the last post froze up. Too much info, clearly! 

So yeh, I also talked to a guy who pretended to be Australian because I said I refused to talk to English boys. But my Australian pal totally verified that he was phoney. Then I spoke to an actual Australian (I id'ed him...) and he taught me that steely dan were named after a dildo, and hp sauce stands for Houses of Parliament!! Mind=blown. 

I was talking to my friends brother, and said "I'm sorry, I need to change my shoes, my feet are killing me." I was wearing the mega high wedges my mum bought me for Christmas. He laughed and said "are you kidding?! You're wearing high heels...what are you? A midget?!" Rude.

Got in at 330, and was hanging all day!! It was sofa Friday, and it was banging. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach for a lunch, so that should be fun. 

Speak soon, love and miss you!

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,
This is going to be a long post. It's been a few days since I wrote you, so here goes.
On Wednesday, I had to give a meeting on social media, and had to try and sell my services. I somehow managed to convince them that I was the person for job. How I did this, I don't know. I even got to use marmite's Facebook as an example. I was super happy that I got to encorporate marmite into my everyday life. I was feeling very distant from it...so I went and bought our mate...

It was nice to eat some marms at my desk after it helped me get another weeks work. 

The night before I stayed at my aunt's house. And whilst it is snazzy (see below) and air conditioned, I missed Bondi.

I think my brother was making me stay there as punishment for Saturday night. I do keep apologising for my antics...I don't know what else I can do?! So anyway, my aunt kept drinking and drinking, and she's tough to handle when she's sober, you can only imagine what she's like when she's drunk.

I survived the night though, so it's fine. 

Last night I went to a house party in kings cross (lolz) and it was really fun. I was absolutely hammered. This is one of my new friends! 

And this is the other one who's her boyfriend in white:

The other one is his brother (who I met last night for the first time) he was a bit of a "lad" and for some reason we started to try and gross each other out...I vaguely remember telling him that I tromboned his dad whilst his mum filmed it...my filthy mouth was out in force last night, and the Essex accent was shining through strong. It was mega cringe. 

Dear Hettie,
It was so lovely to see your face yesterday. I mean, it wasn't exactly the same as seeing you properly, but it was pretty darn close!!
I was so tired today, and had to do so much sorting and filing. It was long, but I got to read more funny books! Like this one:

Also, it worried me that people in publishing don't know how to spell. This is how the boxes were labelled:

I just went to get something from the letterbox, but it was pitch black and something flew out at me from the bushes! It was terrifying!! Then I remembered my brother had seen a red back spider in his letterbox before, and I chickened out and ran back up the stairs. 

It's a good thing I was drunk coming home on Saturday...this place is so scary at night. Speaking of this weekend, I have been thinking about it a lot. You know how people always feel sorry for us because we don't have boyfriends? Well, if this is what boyfriends do...how lucky are we to not have boyfriends! Go us! 

On another note, I FaceTimed with mother bear again. This was her attire this time:

Anyway, I'm off to bed because I'm exhausted. 

Love you lots, miss you more!

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie, 

Last night was pretty epic. I drank two jugs of booze (one with apply cider and lychee juice, one with rum, mint and lemon) then I moved on to Prosecco, and finished the night off with two pints of cider. 

The bar was amazing. It was right on the beach, and the music was brilliant. They played daft punk, Michael Jackson...amaze. Understandably, I got pretty drunk. We made friends with a German called Florian, and an Australian called....shit, I can't remember...

The German kept apologising for the war. Even though we assured him it was ok, he kept saying sorry. It was weird. We ended up at the Bondi hotel which was a bit of a dive. Anyway, Luke missed his bus and had to stay at mine, even though my brother said "no boys allowed." Oops. 

My brothers fiancé has some friends over, and appaz we woke them up when we...came in. I was so impressed with my stealth as well. This morning, I distracted my brother whilst Luke went to the toilet and then again to get him out the front door. 

I opened the front door to get him out and there was a man passed out in my hallway!! It was well funny. Anyway, my sneaking out ability was all in vain as I woke up the guests. My brother has been taking the mick all day. Awkward. 

Here are some photos from the evening. Also, the last two are of the pavement by my house...just because it makes me smile.

Love you, miss you,

S

Xxx