Continued:

Sorry, the last post froze up. Too much info, clearly! 

So yeh, I also talked to a guy who pretended to be Australian because I said I refused to talk to English boys. But my Australian pal totally verified that he was phoney. Then I spoke to an actual Australian (I id'ed him...) and he taught me that steely dan were named after a dildo, and hp sauce stands for Houses of Parliament!! Mind=blown. 

I was talking to my friends brother, and said "I'm sorry, I need to change my shoes, my feet are killing me." I was wearing the mega high wedges my mum bought me for Christmas. He laughed and said "are you kidding?! You're wearing high heels...what are you? A midget?!" Rude.

Got in at 330, and was hanging all day!! It was sofa Friday, and it was banging. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach for a lunch, so that should be fun. 

Speak soon, love and miss you!

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,
This is going to be a long post. It's been a few days since I wrote you, so here goes.
On Wednesday, I had to give a meeting on social media, and had to try and sell my services. I somehow managed to convince them that I was the person for job. How I did this, I don't know. I even got to use marmite's Facebook as an example. I was super happy that I got to encorporate marmite into my everyday life. I was feeling very distant from it...so I went and bought our mate...

It was nice to eat some marms at my desk after it helped me get another weeks work. 

The night before I stayed at my aunt's house. And whilst it is snazzy (see below) and air conditioned, I missed Bondi.

I think my brother was making me stay there as punishment for Saturday night. I do keep apologising for my antics...I don't know what else I can do?! So anyway, my aunt kept drinking and drinking, and she's tough to handle when she's sober, you can only imagine what she's like when she's drunk.

I survived the night though, so it's fine. 

Last night I went to a house party in kings cross (lolz) and it was really fun. I was absolutely hammered. This is one of my new friends! 

And this is the other one who's her boyfriend in white:

The other one is his brother (who I met last night for the first time) he was a bit of a "lad" and for some reason we started to try and gross each other out...I vaguely remember telling him that I tromboned his dad whilst his mum filmed it...my filthy mouth was out in force last night, and the Essex accent was shining through strong. It was mega cringe. 

Dear Hettie,
It was so lovely to see your face yesterday. I mean, it wasn't exactly the same as seeing you properly, but it was pretty darn close!!
I was so tired today, and had to do so much sorting and filing. It was long, but I got to read more funny books! Like this one:

Also, it worried me that people in publishing don't know how to spell. This is how the boxes were labelled:

I just went to get something from the letterbox, but it was pitch black and something flew out at me from the bushes! It was terrifying!! Then I remembered my brother had seen a red back spider in his letterbox before, and I chickened out and ran back up the stairs. 

It's a good thing I was drunk coming home on Saturday...this place is so scary at night. Speaking of this weekend, I have been thinking about it a lot. You know how people always feel sorry for us because we don't have boyfriends? Well, if this is what boyfriends do...how lucky are we to not have boyfriends! Go us! 

On another note, I FaceTimed with mother bear again. This was her attire this time:

Anyway, I'm off to bed because I'm exhausted. 

Love you lots, miss you more!

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie, 

Last night was pretty epic. I drank two jugs of booze (one with apply cider and lychee juice, one with rum, mint and lemon) then I moved on to Prosecco, and finished the night off with two pints of cider. 

The bar was amazing. It was right on the beach, and the music was brilliant. They played daft punk, Michael Jackson...amaze. Understandably, I got pretty drunk. We made friends with a German called Florian, and an Australian called....shit, I can't remember...

The German kept apologising for the war. Even though we assured him it was ok, he kept saying sorry. It was weird. We ended up at the Bondi hotel which was a bit of a dive. Anyway, Luke missed his bus and had to stay at mine, even though my brother said "no boys allowed." Oops. 

My brothers fiancé has some friends over, and appaz we woke them up when we...came in. I was so impressed with my stealth as well. This morning, I distracted my brother whilst Luke went to the toilet and then again to get him out the front door. 

I opened the front door to get him out and there was a man passed out in my hallway!! It was well funny. Anyway, my sneaking out ability was all in vain as I woke up the guests. My brother has been taking the mick all day. Awkward. 

Here are some photos from the evening. Also, the last two are of the pavement by my house...just because it makes me smile.

Love you, miss you,

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,

There have been some positives and lolitives (I'm not being negative anymore...) the last two days. Here are some I feel I need to share with you:

1.) Positive- work have said that they want me to work an extra week...maybe even more! I know this is good, because it's work and I have no money...but it's so far away!!! And in bogan central!!! But being positive, if they can keep me on, at least I won't be desperate for money. I am getting $23 an hour, so I'm pretty happy.

2.) negative (screw lolitive)- I had an argument with an old lady today...she said the books I had emptied from the cupboard were in the way of her car and it was the second time she got ratty with me so I said "look, love, I don't know what your beef is. I'm only doing what I've been told to." She tutted...and then came back with "if you drove a car you'd understand." And she went to walk off, but I said "if I drove a car I'd understand how to open a door and not hit a wall?! What are you talking about??" We went back and forth for a while and then stormed off to complain to someone else. Silly bint.

3.) positive- I'm going to this place tomorrow night with Luke
http://thebucketlistbondi.com/ 
They have jugs of cocktails! And it's basically on the beach. 
It will be nice to see a southender too! I miss the accent. 

4.) negative- I left work half an hour early today and I was too early for shirtless man :-(

5.) positive- at least I didn't nearly get run over again because of his body.

6.) negative- you know how I said everyone in bondi is too attractive for me...well in the city yesterday I found out who I could get. First thing in the morning, I went to the 7/11 to get my bus ticket and asked for a return. The fat, sweaty Indian guy behind the counter said "I'm only selling you this return in the hope you return to me..." No. Just no. Then later, as I waited in the city for Alix to pick me up and take me to my aunts, the traffic stopped and a fat, old guy stopped infront of where I was sat. He nodded and winked at me. I burst out laughing. Really, het?! Is this the best I can do?!

7.) positive- it was 33 degrees today, and should be all weekend. Hello beach!!


In other news, I met my very Australian uncle last night. He's lovely. Also, you know my aunt never tells her age? Yesterday she lied and said my dad was 48.... That means he was 15 when he had my brother...yeh nice one.

And lastly, there are pidgeons here with pink faces.

Love you, miss you,

S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,
This week of work is so long. I am so tired. I fell asleep on the bus and woke myself up by hitting my head on the seat in front of me. The guy laughed at me...
My bus journeys haven't been too successful this week. I finished my book the other day and it was so sad!! I cried my eyes out.

On a more positive note, there is this guy who walks past me on my way home everyday, and he never wears a shirt. His body makes me so happy. He has a shaved head so I ignore that. I nearly got run over today because I was staring at him as I crossed the road. I was salivating upstairs and down!

Ew. Ok, that sentence was gross even for me...my downstairs doesn't salivate, I swear.

Hopefully, after the weekend I will have more interesting things to report on.

Love you, miss you.
S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,
Today has been emosh. Firstly, I think the mum is about to die in my teen fiction book. I had to stop reading it on the bus because I was defs about to cry. And then I came home and my brother said he wants me to stay out for a few nights....where the ach am I meant to go?! I think I might go and stay somewhere exotic. Treat myself with money I don't have. Staying in a hotel might be fun?
Funny Australian thing I saw today...as I was on my bus home (along the motorway) there was a backwards sign going down the hill saying "wrong way, turn around" which means that it's happened so much they needed to put signs up?? Worrying.

At work today, I had to clear out the storeroom, which basically meant I could listen to my iPod and read funny books I found. I read this one for about an hour:

It was hilarious. It was all about doing experiments on "your man's" love muscle. Hard days work, ay! No pun intended. 

Miss you a lot today. FaceTime soon please.

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,
Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was at my aunts house in Manly and she didn't have a wifi password to hand.
Her house was tech, but I'd gone to one of Alix's friends houses beforehand and it was the most amazing house I've ever been to. Ever. We are living there when we're older. It was massive and looked out over what looked like Jurassic park. Anyway, then I went to my aunts. It was ok, but she almost dissed Gary and I was in a foul mood after that. She can suck my left tit if she thinks she can get away with dissing the g-man in my presence.

This morning, I woke up in a horrible mood. I was really sad and just wanted a hettie/ mummy cuddle. I thought, that's it, I'm going home, I can't do it. Alix and Jen took me to the beach and tried to cheer me up, but I felt really lonely.

Then, when I got home, a friend of a friend had written on my Facebook and asked if I wanted to celebrate st paddys day with her and her boyfriend and flatmate. I decided to go for it, even though I felt glum. I met people in their 20s, two of which were Australian. I now feel SO much better. Are you ready to be proud... I drank two pints of magners...and then went back to my new friends and had a bottle of rosé. Who am I?! Anyway, I'm writing this pretty tipsy.  Oops.

I'm gonna put some photos here. One of my sunburn (Alix and I had to sit in on Saturday and wait for an electrician on Saturday and I got burnt on the balcony) some of where I was today, chinamen beach, and one of salt and vinegar crisps here...check out the colour. Didn't get any of st paddys day. Sox.

Miss you, love you. Xxxx

Dear Hettie,
I found out two Australian based facts today: firstly, if you are buying something worth $19.18, and paying for it in cash, they round it up to $19.20 because they don't have cents here. How weird is that?? And secondly, the Hemsworth brothers are in Sydney. SCHWING!!

Other than sending that totally cringe email, work was quite good today. I get to choose a new cover and title for a book and my ideas seemed to be liked! That was quite nice. Came home to find Alix had spent his day off reading Mem! The one person I didn't want reading it! He didn't seem too impressed with the dad bashing, but oh well. He shouldn't have read it should he?

The girl at work asked why I only eat fruit at lunch (I do that now) and when I told her its because I'm depressed at how thin everyone is, she replied, "no...you...ok..." Erm, thanks?

Seeing my auntie tomorrow, hopefully she will have some sexy 20 something boys I can bone, and if not...the 16 year old ones? Jailbait? Acceptable? Thoughts please!

Also, the Australian version of the metro is genius. On the front cover today, they had an article all about sexy men in suits and how there is going to be a fashion show to raise money for some charity. These were the two chosen for the cover...can you saayyyyyy 80s??

My favourite section is the bogan section:

And finally, this is melanie when we FaceTime:

Anyway, speak for reals tomorrow. I miss you and love you!

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,

Work has got less boring, but having an office with three people in it (including myself) was never going to be riveting was it? I think the other two are having some kind of sordid affair. They both took the rubbish out today and were gone for ages...then came back a few minutes apart. It would be well lol if they were. Plus, today was steak and blow job day, was it not? I'll ask what he had for dinner, and if he says steak, they did it for sure.

Hmm what else happened today...oh, we had a day long power cut at home. Nothing worked this morning and I had to get ready in candle light until the sun came up. It was pretty grey today, but still hot as hell.

Errm, then I went book shopping? And the whole way home I was thinking about sending you my dream. But now I'm here it seems pretty boring. Maybe I will anyway.

You will be proud to know that I have had at least one rekordalig every night after work this week. Proud?

Roll on this weekend! I'm off to Manly and my aim is to take some photos of surfers for you so you can see what I mean by FIT.

Lets FaceTime too!!!

Love you, miss you.
S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,
My sunburn is starting to fade. My face is more freckled than burnt. My bum is still pretty pink though. I have three mosquito bites on my leg and all I can think is...if mosquitos got in, then what else could get in!!! Might have to close my window tonight.

Work today was better. I had to send rejection emails to the people who didn't get the job...You'd be surprised at how many people can't spell or punctuate. Even on cover letters!!

I'm getting used to the journey too. Although, the ticket system is hilarious. So, you know what I sent yesterday...this is their take on the weekly bus pass. It's the same as the return...but the driver ticks it off every time you go on the bus:

I've also worked out a system. When the topless surfer dude walks past (on my way to and from work) I just look the other way and say 'don't look, don't look, don't look' over and over and then i don't come in the street. So that's good! 

I applied for a tax file number today, and opening a bank account on saturday...then off to Manly! Need to apply for bare jobs this weekend. I need a full time one STAT!

Ok, here are two more photos.  The sign in the toilet I told you about yesterday, and a restaurant on bondi road that has a funny name. 

Love you, miss you.

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,
Work today was boring. But at least I'm doing something. Trying to find my way there was...interesting. Apparently, Australian transport is a little in the dark ages. There are no Oyster cards, and the buses/trains don't tell you what stop you're at, so I spent a 50 minute bus journey reading road signs. Was nice though, drove over the Sydney harbour bridge and past the opera house. Plus the bus was mega air conditioned! It was so strange though, the bus drove down a few motorways with five lanes and drove right in the middle!! No bus lanes today.
This is this ticket system they had for a return ticket:

So they give you two singles, and then write the date on the back when you get on the bus...

Also, the trains are double deckers!!

Work was pretty non-exciting. I had to clear out a stationery cupboard and amongst the paperclips was a pack of tampons. That was weird. And there's a sign in the toilet telling people to be considerate and spray if the need to. Lovely. 

After a long hard day in the office, I came home and had a fruity cider on the balcony and FaceTimed  mother bear! 

At least being at work keeps me out of the sun! My bum is still burnt :-(

Hope you're enjoying the snow!! 

Love you, miss you.

S

Xxx

Dear Hettie,
So, I tried to go out and get my bearings a little. The record shop was closed, so I carried on to the beach. It's so fucking hot here, I was walking along and could feel the sweat trickling down me. I powered on, even though Bondi is one giant fucking hill.
Turns out the beach is just one straight road down. I had to walk straight back after finding it because I was boiling and needed to get out of my clothes. That, and every male that walked past me made me sexually aroused. Seriously, if I had a dick, I'd have been walking around with a boner all day. They all walk around with no tops on, surf boards, and no shoes on. It's like walking around in a porno specially made for me.
Tomorrow, I'm heading to the city, so I'll get to see what the city boys look like! I'll fill you in on what they're like.

Love you and miss you,

S
Xxx

Dear Hettie,
I called that guy about my two weeks of work this morning. I'm going to meet him tomorrow. Scary stuff, but hopefully he will have something for me for the next couple of weeks. Let's hope so...I want to start saving money for cage diving!
Today I think I'm just going to venture around bondi. I walked past a record shop on Saturday so going to head their first!
If I see anything funny, ill take a photo for you!

Love you, miss you,

S
Xxx

Continued:
Sorry, the last one wouldn't let me continue writing.

So I had the barbie, and then FaceTimed with smelanie. And then I lolled at this bottle of water:

So, when I was shopping at Coles the supermarket, I walked past my future husband. He was wearing flip flops, which you know I hate, but this guy, man. Wow. Unfortunately, I had no make up on, my hair was frizzy as fuck, and the burnt patches all over my body combined with the rest made me highly unattractive. Not great. But at least having all these attractive people around me is spurring me on to reach perfection! 

Anyway, hope you've had a lovely weekend. 

Miss you, love you,

S

Xxx 

Dear Hettie,
I think Australia should come with a "No Rangas Allowed" warning. This is so not cool. The backs of my legs are red raw. I am heating up baaaaad. It's ridic. Sitting down is hurting, and my bum looks like a strawberry.

I went snorkelling at Parsley Bay. It looks like this:

There was a shark net up so none could get into the little cove, but swimming up to it was effing terrifying. We walked up to the edge to dry off and there are these amazing houses and flats up the side. I think we should buy one when we make our money. It can be one of many holiday homes we will have, and Alix can look after it when we're away on business. They looked like this, take your pick:

I saw some grey looking fish, a blue crab, a stingray and a sea urchin! Then I had a sexy ice lolly which is the Australian version of toffee crumble with a genius name: 

Lolz. Then I went to bondi junction to get the weekly shop. There was very little I recognised...but got some good stuff for the week. This evening I got an Aussie BBQ: veggie kebabs, grilled halloumi, potato salad, regular salad and corn on the cob. It was well Australian: